Selfish
For about 6 hours this past weekend, I felt a great sense of guilt that led me to disappear on my motorcycle for the entire afternoon. It’s the kind of guilt that comes after you realize that you’ve been doing something harmful to someone for a long time and are now just understanding the magnitude of your actions. It is almost worse than the guilt that comes from knowingly choosing to hurt someone since in those instances, you have taken time to think about your actions and their consequences. However, in this case when you discover the damage you have been unknowingly causing, you come to the reality that you didn’t take time to think about your actions and probably didn’t care enough to think about how others were being affected. This type of thinking comes from your own selfishness.
Where does this selfishness come from? Some believe that humans are naturally selfish creatures by birth, and even through social conditioning, there are strong underlying selfish desires that one will seek to fulfill. Some believe the opposite, that humans are inherently unselfish creatures that wish to fit into a social group and thus naturally want to serve each other. I don’t think I have given the topic enough philosophical thought to make a strong argument one way or another, but I see and accept both points of view, if I were to limit myself to those two options.
What about the things we can do in our own mind and actions to become less selfish and create the capacity in our lives to become caring and thoughtful of other people? I think what caused my own guilt was a result of my own selfish actions and lack of caring for another and the affect they would have on them. A good lesson is to always think before you speak or do anything, but sometimes words seem forced out of your mouth. Even if worded well and delivered without negative inflection, I think that your true feelings and desires are still expressed through them, and if said to someone who knows you well, and thus sensitive to your words, they may create strong feelings in the other person. If you have negative feelings, then these will be expressed, despite your best efforts to hide them.
If the cause of such selfish and ultimately hurtful words are caused by selfish and negative emotions, how does one control or neutralize these emotions so that they become beneficial or harmless? If one believes that it is human nature to be selfish, then what you’re really asking is to repress a natural human desire, which is probably difficult. If you believe that it is in human nature to serve, then the obvious answer is to seek to fulfill that desire and help others, which should in turn lead to a natural feeling of fulfillment that answers the desire to serve.
If it really is human nature to be selfish, it seems a problem for those that may be around you when you need to fulfill this desire. You will inevitably seek to use and draw resources from them because of their proximity and convenience. Although useful, this does not seem healthy for a relationship if one is merely fulfilling a selfish desire from those close to them.
What’s the answer?
I don’t know, but I’m sure it has something to do with truly caring for people. Genuinely making other people’s needs a priority above your own. Having no agenda except the well being of others. Is this Love? Is it possible to choose who you Love or is Love a state of being?
Ugh, I think I need a few more hours on the motorcycle to figure it out…
