I had reserved most of my summer to this class, meaning that I had moved around my schedule, pushed back or passed up vacation opportunities, and basically devoted the summer to becoming an instructor.  Now I have the whole summer available, left to figure out what to do with my time.

I wonder about why these things happen.  I should have read the fine print about the bike ride, and I am still wondering why the instructr course didn’t work out.  Sometimes I think that fate or God is trying to steer me to do something else that I’m supposed to be doing.  I thought for sure that I would be riding that weekend, but alas, that didn’t work out.  I thought for sure that I would be an instructor by the end of the summer, but that too fell apart.  It’s not lack of effort I think.  I trained hard for the bike ride, to the point where I believed I could finish.  I was top candidate among my peers in the instructor class and was slated to begin instruction at the highest paying school in the state.  So why didn’t these things work out?

What is fate trying to tell me?

I’m reminded of a lesson given to motorcycle instructors about how they should set the tone and environment for new students.  The atmosphere during a riding course should be high in challenge, low in threat.  That means that the instructors need to set an environment where students are free to make mistakes and aren’t feeling threatened by failure and having expectations set on them.  I’ve helped teach and have been part of motorcycle classes and what I’ve observed is that the students who do the worst are those to whom the teachers give extra attention.  The pattern goes something like this: early on, the student will have a little bit of trouble with something and the teacher will highlight this by giving extra time and attention to that student until they get it; later the student will have some trouble with something else, and the teacher will be quick to give more attention to that student; the teacher is now constantly watching the student to see if they need help and in the back of their mind, they are counting off how much longer they will wait before broaching to subject of failure into the conversation; this puts stress on the teacher to produce results in the student to avoid failure which translates into expectations put onto the student to perform.  Thus, the environment is no longer low threat.  Through their actions, the teacher has implied a threat and has set expectations without explicitly saying anything.

Traveling in a new country or city is just the same, except the responsibility of setting the tone and environment is on the shoulders of the travelers, meaning myself and my travel companions.  I can easily set a low threat atmosphere by having no expectations of what will happen, however this can easily be spoiled by others who have come with expectations or needs that must be met.  I’ve found that anytime I’ve traveled with a plan in mind, things tend to become more stressful.  This happens for two reasons that I’ve been able to identify: 1) when there is a plan or expectation, then things are less flexible and plans tend to orient themselves around the fulfillment of certain objectives 2) when the plan is off course and things change unexpectedly, people begin to complain, which doesn’t help anyone.  The best travel companions are those who don’t complain and don’t have expectations.

So, back to the point, new environment means new challenges and low threat as long as you aren’t afraid of failing, which means you are willing to wait when you miss a bus or train, and starve when you get stuck somewhere without food, and other types of mishaps that occur.  I’ve been through these before and have realized that those aren’t things to be afraid of at all.  In fact, being tired, lost, and hungry has stretched me in the past to become creative and string together seemingly unrelated bits and phrases from my limited grasp of the language to get what I want, whether it be food or directions.  In fact, once in France, I was able to pull out some Mandarin along with my broken French.  I have also been surprised at how well hand gestures work internationally and I believe that deep down, there is a standard sign language that people inherently know when they are born.

The value of travel for me is that learning and changing experience mentally as I struggle to survive in a new city or country and knowing that I can endure failure.  This allows me to make mistakes safely and figure out better ways to do things.  The question I’d like to figure out now is, how can I create that right now where I am and where I live?  I think the problem is pride.  Let me explain.

After living in the same place for awhile, I feel like it’s expected that I know where things are and how things work around my home.  When I don’t, I feel an even greater sense of failure because I haven’t lived up to the expectation in myself that I’m familiar with things here.  Perhaps the key is to go easier on myself and allow myself to make mistakes, to not have expectations and to not complain when things don’t go as expected.  I suppose that’s harder when I’m not on holiday, because I’m dealing with my own life and I have a greater vested interest in the outcome.  When traveling, I usually only have two major goals, get on the plane in, and make sure I make it on the plane out, everything in between doesn’t matter too much.  Living day to day though, I don’t have a plane out, or an exit, I’m here for the duration, and what happens matters.  But I still can’t be so paralyzed that I can’t make mistakes and be free to learn and explore and grow.

1. First there is inspiration. 

You are inspired to do something or think in a certain way, possibly triggered by something you read, or heard, or saw, something a friend told you, or out of the blue.  An example is hearing that a someone has done something that you didn’t think was possible, like finishing an advanced degree, or even quitting their job.

2. Next is the idea.

The idea that you can embrace that inspiration and apply it to your own life.  Usually the inspiration is an opening door in your own mind about what is possible.  The idea, then, is the mind taking steps through that door to see how it can be realized.  Perhaps you are inspired to become healthier because a close friend is now becoming healthier and you think that it is also possible.  The idea then is how to go about doing it.  Eating right, exercising, changing your lifestyle, etc.

3. The last piece is change.

Change is the physical product of the ideas that you create to generate real results.  This is the outward result of the inspiration and ideas; taking what you think you will do and actually doing it.

Often these steps occur so quickly that it’s a seamless change that is almost effortless.  This is when there are no blocks between the three stages.  Easy things like deciding to take an exit off the highway to avoid traffic after watching someone else drive a mile down the shoulder.  After you see them do it, you decide that you too can do that, and then you turn the wheel and speed off onto a side road.

But harder goals, things that make more drastic and often lasting changes in ones life are usually beset by obstacles in the mind.  Each of the three steps of Inspiration, Idea, and Change, can be blocked.

Blocked Inspiration: Without this, nothing else can go forward.  Would you like to become a great pianist?  You cannot go down this path without sufficient inspiration.  You can take lessons and practice all you want, but without proper inspiration, this will fade away.  So whatever you wish to achieve, start with good inspiration.  Go watch a great pianist in concert, read stories of how people lose weight and change their lives, or talk to friends about how they have achieved their goals.

Blocked Ideas: Inspiration is not enough, you need to know how to take that and make it into a realizable plan of action.  This is where some research and homework comes in.  Learn about what you want to do after you are inspired.  You can’t become a great athlete or artist without the right practice and knowledge.  You can’t just stop eating food to lose weight, you’ll die.  Use the internet, library, and other people as resources to understand what is needed to get you where you want to go.  Once you know what you’re supposed to do, take this knowledge and make it into ideas for your own steps to take.

Blocked Change: This seems to me the simplest, yet most difficult step.  Taking an idea in your head and actually doing it is just a matter of, well… doing it.  But it’s so simple that, if you’re a procrastinator like me, you can easily put it off and say “I can do it whenever I feel like it”.  The harder stuff, like finding inspiration and gaining knowledge for your ideas, is already done.  This final step takes will and discipline and action.  Just do it already.  In fact, repeat step 1 and get inspired again until your insides are jumping to take action.

That’s it, easy as 1, 2, 3.  Repeat until you’ve conqured the world.

Need help?

43things.com is a great online tool to write down your goals and keep track of what you accomplished.  Once you get in the habit of accomplishing things, it gains momentum and keeps going.  Use it to keep yourself accountable and get inspiration and ideas from others.  Making things happen, of course, is still your responsibility.

Today was different and I could appreciate how much better of a rider I had become in the last two years since starting.  Riding today was almost a surreal experience.  On one side of me was the sunset over stormy clouds, on the other was the ominous darkness of the coming storm.  As the highway bent east, I could see the last light of the day disappear in my side mirrors and I headed straight into the storm.

In the distance, I could see the tops of the clouds peaking above the gray dullness that covered the horizon.  Small blips of white light within the clouds hinted at the discharge of lightning.  Small rumbles of thunder penetrated my helmet, reminding me of what artillery sounded like in old war movies I used to watch.

Despite the volume of the clouds and the violence of the lighting as it arced across the sky in specular cascades, the rain came down only lightly in small drops.  Still, it was wet enough to take caution through the turns and weaving through the slower traffic.

It was amusing to think that earlier today there were so many motorcycles on the road enjoying the clear sunny day, but now there was only me.  I like to think that I make somewhat of a statement when I ride in the rain, something like “I’m not afraid”. I used to be, but not today.

I think a lot of this is attributed to the fact that I rarely interact with elements of my past, especially old friends.  Over the years I’ve known many people and have called many people my friend, yet of those, I only still keep in touch with a handful.

In high school, I had a group of close friends that always did things together and shared a lot of experiences and life together, as friends should.  As I entered college, many of us ended up at the same school and continued our friendship as if nothing changed and we faced the new college experiences together.

Then I found church, and that changed my life.  I won’t get into the details, but basically I ended up losing touch with my old friends as they were replaced by my ‘christian’ friends.  I feel guilty for making the choice to drop out of the loop of my high school friends, but at the time I thought that I was doing what pleased ‘god’.

And so I made new friends through church, and they became good friends, as we struggled through learning how to be in a church that tried to mold us into workers for christ.  They became my closest confidants in things in and out of church.  It’s here that my roots still remain and haven’t been completely cut off.  I’ll explain that a little later.

As I left college, so of my friends in church didn’t remain in church and thus left my life for good I thought.  Some remained and we faced post-college life and church together.  I made a few new friends in church as I moved into being a regular member of church and not just considered a student.

As few years went by and then the bottom dropped out.  I left the church due to some unfortunate circumstances.  This meant that I left behind the friends I made in church, which realizing now, were not real friends in any sense of the word.  This is when I found my true friends again.

The ones that I had left behind in college who didn’t stay in church accepted me again, and we picked up as if no time had passed.  We had grown up, but we were still the good friends and confidants that we were in college, struggling to understand an organization that had been brainwashing us and controlling our lives and relationships.  This is when I found that my roots hadn’t been completely destroyed, and this is as deep as they go.

So now, as I continue living with my old friends under new context, it’s evident that the church only allowed us to meet, but we became friends on our own, and I’m grateful that this truth of our relationship has survived despite my mistakes.

These are my roots that I cannot forget.  Sometimes it means taking a bus for hours to see them, or just a phone call to reconnect.  They remind me of who I used to be and I can compare that to who I am now.  I think that it’s vital to my own development and pursuit of purpose to see where I’ve come from in order to understand where I am going.  My life may be a string of random decicions and events, but it is going somewhere nonetheless.

So here’s my advice, if you find people who will stick with you and accept you under your worst and best times, under good and bad circumstances, through your worst mistakes as well as your greatest triumphs, through time and distance, then call these your friends, and hold them closer than anything else in the world.

To begin moving from believing that things and events in the future will make you happy towards believing that the things in your life today make you happy is an exercise in gratitude.

Being gratuful for what you have, who you are, and what you’re doing is an important element in a happy and content life.  In fact, being grateful is also comprised of two parts: recognizing the things you are grateful for, and showing your gratitude towards others.

What are some things I am grateful for?

- Having a job that allows me to live comfortably

- Living in a metropolitan area that allows me opportunities to see and interact with a variety of people and cultures

- Having a girlfriend who is committed to me

- Having a few good friends around to share deep thoughts with

- Having a few new friends to get to know and share new experiences with

- Overall good health

This should be an exercise to do daily and I will strive to do this.  The next part is to show gratitude.

How can I show my gratitude?

- Let those close to me know that I appreciate them by telling them, spending time with them, talking and listening to them

- Giving money to a charity as monetary appreciation

- Encourage others